


Remember Us.

by yanyan0798



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-28 05:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14442228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yanyan0798/pseuds/yanyan0798
Summary: James Potter. Lily Evans.This is a simple story of how these two, ordinary individuals, chose to love in the time of darkness, and together created something extraordinary. This story wants to remember their kindness, their bravery, their fear, their friendships, their love and in the last moments, their sacrifice.





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

* * *

  
“Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!”  
Lily ran.  
She kept Harry in her arms, propped tightly against one hip as she hastily attempted to barricade the door, piling boxes, chairs, anything, to keep him out. She could feel her heart beat, a rapid, painful drum beneath her ribcages, the terror rising so fast and hard that she choked on it as her head raced with a million thoughts.  
Oh, Peter.  
She was furious at him, so murderously furious, it made her physically sick. But at the same time, there was a dissonant cord of sadness in her stomach. She should have talked to him more. He had always been the weaker one, perhaps she could have helped change that vulnerability from a weakness to a strength. Perhaps she should have noticed how strange he had been acting recently. There were so many things she could have, should have, would have done, if she had known it would come to this.  
Remus. He was so alone now. Who would be there to stand beside him as he fought his demons? He could never see himself for who he truly was, and she knew that he would forever live in the shadow of his own self. She had wanted to stay by her friend’s side. It was the least that she could do for him.   
She choked back a sob as she hugged Harry tight to her chest, breathing in his sweet, sweet baby smell. He grumbled a little in her arms, but he was still young enough to enjoy her cuddles. She was crying now, her breath hitching painfully in her chest and she buried her face into his hair, desperately drinking him in.  
Sirius. It wasn’t his fault. But she knew that he would blame himself, he would hate himself, and she wished, how she ached with the wish, to hold him for one last time to absolve him from this terrible guilt.  
Emmeline. Marlene. Petunia.  
There were so many people she should have reached out to, so many people who she loved and was eternally grateful to, so many people that she should have forgiven, but it was now far, far too late.  
Oh Merlin.  
But underlying her thoughts, each shaky breath she took, each tear she shed, was the numbing knowledge she felt deep into her bones, that James was dead.  
James.  
Idiot James.  
Brave James.  
Her James.  
The door flew open.  
Lily hated him. She loathed him, but right now, there was no space for that. She had defied him thrice and never once had she lost her dignity through each, terrifying encounter, because she had James then. And nothing, even the memory of James, twisted, bloodied and unconscious after hours of torture, could compare to her fear right now.  
She refused to move.  
Her terror, her pride, her hate, were all worthless in the face of her desperation because she would, and she was going to, beg for Harry.  
Lily knew that she was going to die.  
There were a million different choices that she could have made, paths and people she could have chosen, that would have cleared her from this awful fate. But Lily didn’t care. She would choose James, her sweet James, she would choose Harry, she would choose to die for him, for her sweet baby, every single time.  
Well done, Lily.  
Well done.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily leaned her forehead against the glass, her eyes following the heavy raindrop that slid, carving a path out in the wetness, down the windowpane. The suffocating heat and warmth had finally been too much for the air to handle, and after two weeks of sticky, unbearable humidity, the skies had given out to a torrential pour of rain. Normally, she hated the rain, slick grounds and wet socks were a source of distaste to most, but she didn’t mind so much today. At least it was something to listen to other than the murmur of the radio that hummed over the strained silence inside of the car. At least it was something to look at. The car, careful in the hands of its tight-lipped driver, slid into a parking space, and for a long minute, the two sisters just remained still.

Lily sat up, unbuckling her seatbelt. “Thanks for the ride.”  
In response, Petunia, keeping her eyes straight ahead, reached down to unlock the boot of the car with a quiet _snap_. Lily didn’t sigh as she exited the car, an arm raised in a poor attempt to shield herself from the rain, and she barely even noticed the familiar, disappointed tightening of her stomach. Petunia’s hatred had shockingly, and contrarily to her belief, become a quiet companion to her now. And Lily, though resigned, had come to accept its presence. With a wave of her hand, which her sister studiously ignored, she began to haul her trunk, squinting in the rain that had transformed from a light drizzle, to slick, heavy poundings against the asphalt.

“I know.” Her fingers gripped tightened onto the handle of the pet carrier she had precariously balanced on her trunk. Casper was meowing, clearly indignant by her navigation skills, as she attempted to juggle her rucksack, her gigantic trunk, and his cage, whilst battling the rain.

From the corner of her eyes, she spotted Petunia’s car leaving the parking lot.

And then suddenly, almost miraculously, the rain stopped. But she realised, when she felt someone’s shoulder bump into hers, that it was just _her_ who was now enclosed in this rain free circle. Lily looked up to see a pair of grey eyes, slanted in amusement, looking down at her.

“You know, Evans.” Sirius took her rucksack from her shoulders and she adjusted the cage, glancing down at her Casper who was now hissing at his presence. “There’s this marvellous thing called an umbrella. You should know. It’s a Muggle thing.”

“I forgot mine.” Petunia had one, but she hadn’t offered it to her and Lily was hardly going to ask.

“You look like a drowned rat.” Sirius said cheerfully, ignoring her scowl as she squared her shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of the tension from the trunk that ached her arm.

“And you look…” Lily trailed off, the insult dissolving on her tongue when she looked up to see him, _properly,_ for the first time in months. She sighed in exasperation, wiping at the rain that dripped down her forehead, clinging to her lashes. “Oh, Merlin.”  
“I look disgustingly handsome, I know.” He finished for her with a casual shrug, unfazed by his outright arrogance or the disdainfully shake of her head. But there was no point in denying that. Sirius Black, stupidly annoying as he may be, _was_ disgustingly handsome. It was irritating, really. More than irritating. Infuriating.

“Too bad your manners are still filth.” Lily muttered and squealed when he abruptly dropped the umbrella away from her, leaving her in the rain, soaked in mere seconds. She covered her face, spluttering. “ _Hey!”_  
“Serves you right.” The umbrella was back and she dropped her hands, scowling up at Sirius who just smiled placidly in return. “If you’re cross because I’m not holding your trunk, then you should know that I’m already pushing it with this umbrella business.”  
“What are you even doing here?” She trotted to keep up with his long-legged stride, water splashing into her shoes. She hoped that she had the sense to pack some dry socks in her bag. Or she could use her wand. Merlin, the long summer holiday had not good for her brain at all. Though in her defence, Petunia had a silent aneurysm at the barest sight of her wand, so she had kept it tucked away, not wanting to kill her only sister with an embolism. Lily’s frown deepened, a sudden apprehension gnawing at her stomach. She had been distracted, too busy basking in her non-rain soaked self, to not immediately realise just how suspiciously bizarre this situation was. “Where did you even get an umbrella from?”  
“I Transfigured Peter into it.”

“What?” Her chin jerked up automatically to stare at the plain, black umbrella that he held, stumbling when Sirius grabbed her elbow, hauling her forward, impatient by her slight pause. She wrenched her arm away. “This isn’t Peter.”

“You’re right. This is far too slim and handsome to be Peter.”

“What are you _doing_ here?” Lily’s confusion was giving way into suspicion now. After their shaky truce in sixth year, Sirius, and the rest of the Marauders in fact, had stopped playing their idiotic pranks on her, much to her relief. But maybe he wanted to start off the new, and their final, year with a bang. She would be a moron to let her guard down around Sirius Black.

“Why can’t you just say thank you?” He complained, snapping the umbrella shut as they entered the concourse. He pointed at his damp shoulder, feigning outrage. “Look what happened to me!”  
“Thank you.” Lily murmured automatically, her eyes flickering from his to their surroundings, trying to flesh out _what_ he was going to do. Her eyes narrowed. “If you’re-.”  
“It’s no prank, Evans, bloody hell.” She watched as he withdrew his wand from his pocket, tapping the umbrella which promptly transformed into a toothpick, before shoving it back into his trousers. Lily’s jaw was hanging wide open in disbelief by the time he finally looked at her, nonplussed. “What?”  
“You _idiot_.” Lily shook her head in disgust, snatching her bag from his grasp. “Someone might have been watching.”  
“No one was.” Sirius rolled his eyes once. He didn’t have to try hard, unlike her, to catch up to her brisk walking. “I checked.”  
“Well then, you must have eyes at the back of your head then, because you most definitely did not check.” She could see the barrier now, and she quickened her pace in her haste to change out of her miserably damp clothes.

“You need to calm down.” Sirius had his hands in his pockets, infuriatingly unruffled next to her annoyance. Trust Sirius to be calm in the face of anger, and angry in the face of calm and reason. “All that stress isn’t good for you, sweetheart. It’s like you don’t want to live past twenty, or something.”  
“Clearly you don’t either. I heard you got yourself a motorbike.” Lily shot back without missing a beat, and she all but threw herself into the barrier, not waiting for his response. The scene instantly melted into something _much_ more familiar and she placed her hand on her heart, checking her pulse. She smiled. It had been seven years, already _seven_ years, since she had first arrived on Platform 9 ¾, but it still had that effect, that sudden kick in her pulse, at the sight of the gleaming red train.

“Freak.” Sirius was beside her now, watching her tradition with raised eyebrows. Lily moved out of the way before someone could slam into her.

“Shut up, mutt.” He looked unimpressed despite her insult. She fished out her wand, drying her clothes and hair, and after a brief moment of hesitation, she pointed it to his wet shoulder. “Cheers for the umbrella.”  
“You owe me a detention.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Now that she was on the platform, Sirius had become significantly less interesting and she raised herself onto her toes, scanning around for her friends.

“Since you’re Head Girl.” Sirius continued, either not caring or noticing that she was not paying attention to him now. Most probably the former. Sirius rarely cared about what others thought of him. He marched solely to the beat of his most definitely erratic drum. “You can get me out of one detention this term.”  
Lily snorted disdainfully, a loud, unladylike sound that her mother would have disapproved of, at that.

“Unlikely, Black.”  
“And here I thought seventh year would have mellowed you out a little.” He muttered beneath his breath as he flagged the porter down, and she blinked, surprised to see him help the man haul her luggage into the train. He caught her blank stare and a cheek lifted into a half smile. “Two detentions?”

She bit back a smile, squeezing his shoulder lightly as she pushed passed him to step into the train.

“One.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

It took much longer than it should have for Lily to squeeze past the milling bodies, the returning students buzzing from the excitement of their reunions, blocking her attempt to weave through the crowds to reach the Prefects’ compartment. She was stopped at least a dozen times by students pulling at her clothes, catching onto her elbow as they greeted her, some complimenting her hair cut, her tan (a clear lie because she was as pasty as ever), all of them exuding warmth and interest, but truth be told, they were just distracting. Lily had places to be. She wanted to start her first day right. By the time she pushed open the door to the Prefects’ compartment, she was out of breath as she all but collapsed into the closest seat with a deep sigh, her bag clutched protectively to her chest.

From across her, Remus slowly put down his sandwich.

“Hullo, Lily.”  
“Remus!” Lily beamed at him, pushing her hair away from her face impatiently. Remus, bless him, looked concerned, his forehead crumpling as he took in her breathless appearance.

“Are you alright there?”  
“I’m fine, just fine.” She did not sound anywhere near as breezy as she had hoped while she moved to sit up again. It took her several failed attempts to straighten herself once more, her dignity fading with each try, all in the presence of Remus’ never ending patience. When she finally managed to sit upright, she turned towards him, feigning a casual air as if the entire last thirty seconds had not happened. “How are you?”  
It was probably a stupid question, but Remus just smiled gently, sweetly, before he replied with the slightest shrug.

“I’m good.”

She kept the smile plastered on her face as she carefully examined his appearance. He didn’t look _too_ bad, save the tired lines that were permanently sketched around his soft, brown eyes, making him look more weary and older than his age. But at least he was smiling as he held out the other half of his sandwich.

“You want it?”

“No, I-.” She was about to explain that she already had planned a feast of pumpkin pasties and sweets with Emmeline and Marlene back at their compartment when the bathroom door slid open.

“I can’t believe this doesn’t work on me. Not one bit.” James Potter was complaining, running his fingers repeatedly through his hair. He seemed to be attempting to flatten down the mess that was his hair, tugging at the strands, and then he stopped, realising that Remus was not alone. He stared at Lily for a beat, surprise evident in his features before his eyes melted into a smile. “You’re here, Evans.”  
“I’m here.” Lily had sworn to herself (and silently to James) that she would not take her prejudices with her into seventh year when she had found out that James had been appointed Head Boy. He had written to her, the first time he ever did, and she had been surprised, as well as completely unsurprised, by his news. He had sounded almost _apologetic_ to her in his letter, further solidifying her tentative theory that James Potter had finally managed to deflate his head. But she still couldn’t help but be shocked to see that he was here early, before her even, dressed in his robes with his badge pinned smartly to the lapels.  

He dropped himself into the seat next to Remus, and even from her distance, she could catch the whiff of the familiar lemony scent of Sleekeazy’s. James, noticing her expression, gave her an embarrassed shrug as he bit into Remus’ sandwich.

“I thought that it was meant to tame ‘the most bothersome barnet’.” Lily quoted the brand’s catchphrase, unable to keep her grin from forming and from beside him, Remus laughed.

“I’m clearly my father’s greatest disappointment.” He gave his hair one last, self-conscious pat, before his smile returned. “Sorry it doesn’t work on red heads.”  
“That was all you, wasn’t it?”  
“No, unfortunately we Potter’s are just a little clueless when it comes to your lot.” James raised his brows quizzically, jerking his chin towards her. “Why aren’t you in your robes?”  
Robes?

She looked down at her jeans and t-shirt.

Oh. Right. She stood up, picking up her bag with her, and after giving the two a weak smile, she disappeared into the bathroom.

Lily’s eyes skipped down to look at the badge in her reflection, and she reached up to lightly touch the metal, cool against her fingertip.

It was real.

She let loose the breath that she had unknowingly been holding in, rubbing at her eyes tiredly. She wasn’t prepared for this, not at all, and the familiar anxiety was beginning to gnaw at her stomach, because she had _no idea what she was doing_.  She took a deep breath and stared at her reflection for a brief second before she turned away. She didn’t like what she saw. Green eyes, too wide, smudged against her too pale skin, giving away too much.  And when she finally exited the bathroom, her stomach flipped to see that half the compartment was filled now. She clung onto her smile, hoping it looked as easy as she had hoped, as she picked her way to the head of the table where James was sitting.

He wordlessly handed her the briefings that the two had drawn together during the holidays and with a silent nod of thanks, she picked them up, grateful to have something to concentrate onto.

“You ready?” He asked quietly, his voice pitched low so that it was reserved only for her ears.

She squared her shoulders, tilting her head up high.

She was ready. She had to be. And it was going to be fine, really. She had sat in the meetings for two years now, so she knew what she was doing. She hoped she knew what she was doing. And plus, she had James next to her, silent, solid James who had proven to be more trustworthy than she had ever imagined him to be.

“Alright, settle down guys.” James spoke with a comfortable familiarity to the Prefects, who shifted in their seats to face the two. He awarded the room with a smile, one of his smiles that lit up his entire face, a puzzling thing. How did he do that? Lily dismissed the thought quickly. James Potter, Head Boy and Marauder, was clearly a puzzling creature. “Let’s get this thing started. I’m James Potter, and as you all know, this is Lily Evans, and the two of us make up the dream team that’s going to lead this motley crew this year.”

“Speak for yourself.” Remus muttered, loud enough for the entire room to hear, and the Prefects, even the new, fifth years ones who were watching the procession with a wide-eyed awe, laughed.

Lily relaxed a little.

“I know that you guys probably want to get back to your friends, so we’ll try make this quick.” Lily pointed her wand at the table and the Prefects cheered when pitchers of pumpkin juice, as well as some plates of sandwiches (courtesy of the snack lady), appeared.

“Any questions?” James asked when Lily had finished explaining the roles of Prefects and what their fortnightly meetings would entail. “And before you ask, no, you’re not allowed to dock points off your mates because they’re annoying.”

“Nor are you allowed to get them out of detention.” Lily added, casting James a pointed look which he just smiled innocently at. “Anything else to add?”  
“When’s the next meeting?” Sylvia Kingswood, the sixth year Ravenclaw prefect, asked and she exchanged a look with James.

“Not Wednesdays. I have Quidditch practice.” He said immediately, much to her bemusement.

Of course, he did. Some things were bound to never change, and that included Potter’s undying love for the sport. His announcement set off a chorus of days that the other Prefects weren’t able to attend due to their various commitments, some which included feeding their pets.

She rolled her eyes, taking out a piece of parchment from her rucksack.

“I’m going to pass this around the room, and anyone who has _official_ school schedules, write them down. And I’m not talking about your hot dates, people.” Lily forced herself to look stern, though she was smiling internally at their mutterings. Was it a sign of age that she found them all _cute?_ She added, keeping her time as kind as possible. “Being a Prefect is a responsibility and a privilege, so you’re expected to make the time for it.”

James released a slow breath when the room emptied, the last of the straggling Prefects shutting the door behind them with a quiet _click_. He loosened his tie, his fingers rising automatically to tunnel through his hair.

“That went better than I thought.”  
“What do you mean?” Lily was too busy gathering the parchments that were scattered around the table to notice the way he slumped against his seat. “You were perfect.”  
“Really?” She missed the surprised look that he gave her. “I was freaking out inside, because, well, you know.” Lily turned to look at him quizzically when he didn’t continue. He shrugged, a sharp movement of his shoulders and his brows lowered, his eyes even lower when he spoke once more. “I was never Prefect. So I didn’t really think they’d take me seriously.”

Huh.

This was new.

Another new side of Potter.

“Wow. I never knew that James Potter could possibly have any moments of self-doubt.” Lily shoved the parchments into her bag before shouldering it. Hopefully they didn’t get too badly crushed in there. He looked up at that warily and she waved a hand dismissively, keeping her tone teasing. “I thought you ran on the belief that everybody loved you.”

“Not everyone.” James pushed his glasses up his nose, the tension easing from his features. He dimpled a smile up at her. “And let’s face it. I’m insanely lucky to have you by my side.”  
His compliment was like a drop of sunshine, the warmth blooming in her chest as she registered his words. She hadn’t realised it, not until he had said it, just how much she wanted to hear that. An assurance, even the smallest one, to let her know that she could do this. “Likewise.” He had the confidence that she lacked, as well as this natural ability to put everyone at ease, while she just always seemed like she was delivering a lecture, no matter how hard she tried not to.

“See? Dream team.” He gave her a lopsided smile and held up his fist. But when she just stared down at it blankly he outstretched it open. “Or do you prefer a hi-five?”  
Lily blinked quickly, gathering herself and she hitched her bag higher up her shoulder as she reached down to lightly knock fists with James. It was her first time, she realised, that she was voluntarily touching him.

“I’ll see you later, Potter.”  
“James.”  
She turned around. “What?”  
James had his forearms against the table, leaning forward to look at her with his bright, hazel eyes that crinkled into a smile at her confused stare.

“You should call me James now, don’t you think?”  He gestured towards the empty seats. “It’s not good for the kids if mum and dad act like they hate each other. We need to be a united front.”  
She laughed, a short, surprised sound that bounced off the walls of the empty compartment. His smile widened when she nodded once. “Okay.”  
“I’ll see you at Hogwarts, Lily.”

Lily?

She carefully turned his sentence once, and then twice, in her head, and decided that she liked how it sounded. Lily smiled.

“See you, James.”

 

 

  
  
 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“You might want to check your face before you leave.” Marlene absently murmured from behind her magazine. She was sprawled across the entire length of one bench, one knee propped against the back of the seat, her other leg hanging down onto the floor, a packet of digestives lying half-finished on her stomach in the picture of pure, unadulterated laziness. Her eyes flickered up to meet Lily’s, who was furiously scrubbing at her cheek at her words, and she smiled but otherwise made no effort to move. “Still there.”  
Rubbish sort of friend she was.  
“Oh, come here.” Emmeline heaved a sigh, grabbing one of the napkins from the table and beckoned for Lily to come closer. She leaned forward dutifully, waiting as her friend swiped the tissue across the corner of her lips. “I can’t believe this is our final year.”  
They had been through this line of conversation at least four thousand times over their summer holidays, the emotions behind the words initially ecstatic, had transformed into a mournful dread. Lily straightened herself up, checking to see that her Head Girl Badge had not somehow fallen into her lunch, only half listening as Emmeline continued. “NEWTS, and then graduation this year. No more Hogwarts. No more train rides.” She grabbed at one of the plastic wrappers they had neatly piled onto the table between them. “No more cauldron cakes.”  
“Merlin, she’s going to start crying over quills now.” Marlene rolled her eyes, finally snapping her magazine shut. Lily could not fathom how her friend could pore over the quizzes- Which Bad Wizard Member is your Soulmate?- but she had remained stubbornly impervious to their teasing over the last six years. “They have cauldron cakes elsewhere, Em.”  
“But not from the cart lady!” Emmeline shook the wrappers indignantly at Marlene who just rolled her eyes, this time even more expressively if possible, and it was a wonder that they did not roll right out of her eye sockets. Lily pressed her lips together in an attempt to keep herself from smiling. She failed, a smile slipping through when Emmeline tenderly placed the cellophane into her bag with a sombreness that one would place onto the most precious of belongings, not rubbish.  
“Well, you can write her an owl.” Marlene, on the other hand tossed the biscuits into her bag carelessly as she straightened up, yawning. She winced as she stretched out her shoulders, sore from hours of abusing her posture. “I suppose you need to leave for Head duties?”  
“Yeah.” Lily glanced down at her watch distractedly. It was close to six now, meaning that the train was to arrive soon at Hogsmeade. Anticipation fluttered through her. She was almost there now. “I’m going to meet James near the front soon.”  
“James now, is it?” She exchanged a knowing glance with Emmeline which Lily chose to ignore. It seemed that Marlene and Emmeline had still not had enough of their jokes about Potter, but luckily after their week-long camping trip last month, Lily had become all but immune to their teasing. It started after Lily had met James during her traditional, before school trip to Diagon Alley, eliciting a now never-ending cascade of jokes from both her best friends, but Lily didn’t mind too much. She was glad, after everything that had happened in the summer, to have something else to concentrate on. And it was a small victory anyway, being chosen Head Girl, a goal she had completely forgotten about, not with the mess at home, and she was determined to do this properly. And if that meant she needed to get along with James, she would. He wasn’t too bad of a person anyway. She was Teflon, Lily reminded herself as she checked her pockets for her wand. Her fingers brushed against the wood, and she relaxed, immediately comforted by its presence. Teflon.  
“United front and what not.” Lily reminded them as she opened the door. “Save me a seat at dinner.”  
The corridors were thankfully empty at this time, the students now busy packing away their games and food as they drew closer to Hogwarts. She sped up, her feet silent against the carpet as she quickly walked towards the front of the train. She wanted to get there a little earlier than her meeting with James because Emmeline was right. This was her final year at Hogwarts. It was difficult to accept that this was her seventh year at Hogwarts now, not when everything still felt so new, so exciting, so she needed a second to absorb this moment, to collect herself. She carefully eased open the door that led outside, connecting the carriage to the driver’s compartment, the churning and wheeling of the engines deafening as she stood at the gangway connection. She brushed away the strands of hair that the wind whipped onto her face, catching into her mouth, as the train raced towards the north-east of Scotland, towards Hogwarts. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply the cold air that filled her lungs, before exhaling. Lily stayed that way, focusing solely on her breathing until it was all she could hear.  
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.  
Her fingers tightened along the metal railings and she sighed once, the sound immediately swept up by the winds, and in that moment, Lily felt tiny. Tiny and insignificant in this busy, speeding world, and she loved it. The train was carrying her away, further and further by the second, from England, away from Petunia, and, the guilt churned her stomach at the thought, away from her mother. She almost fell when the door to her right where she had come out of moments ago, was yanked open, light from the carriage flooding into her quiet, dark corner.  
James looked just as surprised as she was, staring at her with a dumbfounded expression that looked uncertain of what he was staring at.  
“What are you doing here?” Her embarrassment, and her surprise at his sudden appearance, made her feel unnecessarily defensive which crept into her tone.  
“I just wanted some air.” James’ hand automatically rose to slip through his hair. “I’m sorry. Should I leave?”  
“No, no.” Lily, realising just how irrational she was being, flushed. “I should be the one saying sorry. I’m sorry, James. I was… I was just really surprised.”  
James eased the door shut, their world darkening once more, and he stood beside her. He rested his elbows onto the railings, leaning dangerously close towards the edge. Her fingers twitched uneasily by her side, ready to grab him by the shirt and haul him back in the case he was to fall.  
“I thought this was my hideout.”  
“I’ve been coming here since first year.” Lily said quietly, but her stomach clenched at the memory of her first visit here, almost exactly six years ago now.  
“Are we really going to Hogwarts?” She had whispered, purposefully soft as she had half hoped that he wouldn't hear her. But he did.  
“Yes.” Severus had squeezed her hand tightly. He was confident here. This was his world, away from Spinner’s End, and into the world of magic. This was his home, where he really belonged. “We are.”  
Lily shook the memory away. He wasn’t who he used to be. And quite frankly, she was getting tired of mourning her losses. She looked at James instead, his profile illuminated by the light diffusing through the tiny, square window. James, who had been humming to himself beneath his breath, stilled when he noticed her careful study of his face.  
“What?” He finally asked, breaking the silence that stretched thin between them. He turned to look at her curiously, head tilted to the side. Lily smiled, burying her hands into her armpits as she shivered once.  
“Nothing much.” She shook her head at his dubious stare. “I’m serious! I was just thinking how strange it is. Us, don’t you think?”  
“No, I don’t know what to think because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
“I meant us.” She pointed at the space between them but was met with James simply just raising his eyebrows, so she tried again. “We’re in seventh year now. And Head Boy and Head Girl. Isn’t that surreal? It just feels like yesterday that I first caught the Express to Hogwarts. I…” Lily trailed off. How was she supposed to explain this strange, strange emotion that welled up inside of her, so quick, so fast, that she was afraid it would overflow? She had somehow transitioned from a young girl to a young woman without her knowing, in a world that was even more unknowable, and she felt as if she was standing on the edge a brink, staring over and into something huge, something dark, something that beckoned her to just tip over and fall into. A sick mixture of terror and excitement lulled inside of her.  
She was ready for this, ready to leave, ready to fight, but one part of her, a part of her that she was ashamed to admit, was terrified. She wanted to hide, cover her eyes, cover her ears and to tuck herself safe and away from what their world was beginning to collapse into.  
“You feel the same, don’t you? Everything feels the same, yet it’s different.” James finished for her, his words breaking her thoughts. She blinked up at him in quiet wonder, how had he guessed? but he was too busy staring out in the distance, a frown knitting the skin of his forehead. He turned his head towards her, a half smile forming, but in the shadows, it looked almost like a grimace. “And it’s only the beginning.”  
“Are you ready for it?” Lily found herself asking. Her voice was soft, barely carrying over the wind and the sound of the engines roaring, but James heard her anyway. She didn’t realise this now, not until years later, but he had always been listening.  
He nodded once without a single beat of hesitation. “Of course.”  
Gryffindor.  
Lily bit back a smile.  
“Well, I’m glad one of us is.” The quiet spell, this quiet pocket they were inside of, was broken now and Lily peered over the edge, her heart lurching when she could make out the silhouette of Hogsmeade in the darkness. “We’re almost here.”  
“Don’t worry, Evans. I’ll drag you with me, kicking and screaming if I must.” He joked and she smiled back as she slipped through the door he held open.  
“I’m holding you to that, though fair warning, James, I am most definitely going to be a handful. Major kicking and screaming will ensue.”  
“You clearly have not met Sirius Black before then.” James’ hand stretched out against the wall above her head, steadying himself when the train screeched to a stop.  
“Who’s that again?”  
“No one significant.” James grinned before he straightened out. “Let’s get out of here.”  
The following moments were pure chaos, though unlike her, James remained unruffled throughout it all, even when a tiny first year began crying, terrified of the boat that she was meant to board. It seemed that his years of mischief with the Marauders had paid off, because he remained calm in the noise and confusion, serene while Lily was on the verge of tears herself.  
“Are they all in?” Lily asked anxiously, raising herself on her seat as she tried, and failed, to count the heads inside of the boats that dotted the quiet expanse of the water that they were floating on. She could hear Hagrid over the chatter, cheerfully informing the children of the Giant Squid. Lily winced a little at that, wishing that he would save that story for when they were out of the Black Lake.  
“Yes, they are.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“No, but I’m sure that they’ll find their way if they must. Trust them. They're a lot less breakable than you would think.” James stretched his legs out in front of him, their boat rocking at the motion. Lily clutched at the edges, ignoring his quiet laugh.  
“Maybe we should have stayed behind and checked the platform-.” She began but James shook his head before she could finish.  
“We checked twice.”  
“Three times is safer.” She countered immediately, pressing her lips together into an unhappy, hard line at the regret. She should have insisted on staying longer.  
“Lily.” James nodded down at her hands. She looked at them, the skin was stretched tightly over her knuckles, white in the dim light of the lantern above them. “Relax.”  
The knot was still there in her stomach, tight and unyielding, as she nodded reluctantly, slowly releasing her grip on the boat. She was too busy, too distracted by her jumble of her thoughts of the hundred things that could go wrong, the hundred things under her responsibility, to notice the gasps, the murmurs of pleasure and excitement that rippled through the air around her.  
“There she is.” James’ quiet voice broke her out of her thoughts and she looked up.  
The knot loosened.  
Looming ahead of them was Hogwarts Castle, massive, dark, perfect, as it glowed, rising from the lake. Lily fingers unconsciously rose to touch her lips, curved into a smile, before they dropped into her lap.  
She was home.

“Evans. Evans. Evans.”  
Lily ignored the chanting, focusing on her potatoes again.  
“Evans. Evans. Evans.”  
She put down her fork. She was hungry, no, she was famished after spending a good part of the last hour tending to her small garden of first years, and all she wanted to do now was eat her bloody dinner. Lily turned around in her seat, staring at the Hufflepuff table, the source of the noise. She raised an eyebrow at them.  
“Can we eat in peace?”  
From across the space, Matthew Bentley and Kai Lim, the ringleaders to all this cajolery, grinned at her through their mouthfuls of dinner, pleased that she had finally caved. She had known Matthew since her Prefect years, and Kai had been her partner in Divination during her third and fourth years, so she knew that their chanting, though annoying, were done in good spirits.  
“I don’t think I’ve congratulated you yet.” Matt called, waving his knife at her and from across him, Jennifer turned around to look at her.  
“Congratulations, Head Girl.” She grinned, throwing her a wink before she turned back to the table.  
She had been subjected to a flurry of congratulations all day from her friends across the grades, and even at times from the professors, but she still couldn’t get used to this. One part of her wanted to curl up in embarrassment and hide away, while another part basked in the pleasure of their words. It was a confusing thing, made only more confusing by just how genuine their happiness for her seemed to be.   
“Head Girl Evans!” Kai laughed, holding up his cup and she smiled, despite herself. She shouldn’t be encouraging this behaviour, it was disruptive, it was terrible, but it was funny and Kai was sweet, so she chose to smile instead.  
“Cheers.” Lily raised her butterbeer towards both of them. “Now shut up.”  
“This is unfair to Prongs.” Sirius was frowning. “Don’t you think so?”  
“I don’t think it’s unfair at all so shut it and just eat.” James quickly interjected, but per usual, Sirius ignored him. He was looking instead at Peter and Remus, who unlike James, looked thoughtful at his words.  
“I think you may be right, Padfoot.” Peter nodded solemnly.  
“I agree.” Remus nodded and then he picked up his clean knife, poising it in the air much like a conductor’s baton.  
“Not you too.” James pleaded, looking pained but he knew, they all knew, what was coming next, and they also knew better than to try put a stop to the Marauder’s mechanisms.  
Peter began to drum onto the table with his palms. Lily just took the plate off her table so that it would stop shaking and continued to eat.  
“Potter. Potter. Pott. Er.” Sirius joined in the drumming. “Head Boy, Ja-mes Potter.”  
“Still as strange as an otter.” Remus continued, his fingers tapping to the rhythm. They had the attention of the entire table now and from the corner of her eyes, she could see that even the Slytherin tables were watching. Lily chewed on her broccoli. Good lord, she had missed the dinners at Hogwarts.  
“Still our boy James Potter.” Peter finished and then he burst into applause, clapping in a wildly enthusiastic manner while Sirius just beamed, bowing to himself. The rest of the table, when they realised that it was now over, turned back to their dinner.  
“I’m surprised you didn’t try stop them.” Emmeline said as she tore into her fourth bread roll.  
Lily shrugged, placing the plate back onto the table. “I think that was pretty tame really. The first years probably expected so much more.”  
“That’s right, Evans, set the bar real low.” Sirius said encouragingly, overhearing the tail of their conversation. “Less disappointment that way.”  
“Wrong, but the bar is set up even higher than ever.” She gave him a sweet smile which he narrowed his eyes at. “After all, one half of you lot is either Prefect or Head Boy now.”  
“But the better half is still pure Marauder.” Peter chimed and Lily just rolled her eyes good naturedly. She could handle Sirius and Peter. Sirius and James together were the true problem.  
“Don’t worry, Lily.” Remus promised from next to her. He looked the way Lily felt inside. Relaxed, Happy. This was his home too, she realised. “We won’t set the school on fire.”  
“It’s flame retardant anyway.” James added before he quickly backtracked at her raised brows. “Not that we tried to set fire to it before. Course not.”  
“We haven’t tried Cursed Fire though.” Sirius ignored her stare, and he turned to look at James. “Reckon that’ll work?”  
“Probably, but it’s kinda difficult to control, isn’t it?” James frowned, rubbing at his cheek once thoughtfully.  
“And it’s kind of highly illegal, isn’t it?” Lily interrupted, ending the conversation when she noticed the newly sorted first year Gryffindors listening in rapt attention. She most definitely did not need the two to inspire their little imaginations, at least, not just yet. They were too adorable now, gangly and fresh faced, so she did not have the heart to dole out the detentions or the lectures to them.  
“Oh, that too.” James agreed, having the grace to offer her a sheepish smile while Sirius just shook his head dismissively, but much to her relief, he was now distracted by pudding that was swapped out for their dinner.  
Oh, that too?  
Unbelievable.  
She accepted the treacle tart that Marlene had offered her, before she was sucked into another intense conversation on NEWTs, and more importantly, how gorgeously blonde Lockhart’s hair was. Lily found herself wondering how much product, and which products, he used to maintain his glorious locks.  
James yawned, stretching his arm over his head before he rumpled his hair once. His tie was loosened now, his shirt half untucked, but Lily did not have the energy or the interest to correct him. It was close to eleven now and the only thing she could think or even care about, was her bed, undoubtedly made lovely and warm by the House Elves. She loved the House Elves, though one part of her, silent and dormant for most days, felt slightly uneasy by this form of domesticated slavery.  
“Are we done?” Lily followed him up the staircase towards Gryffindor Tower, raking her hair into a ponytail. “Please say that we are done.”  
“Done and dusted.” James grinned down at her and laughed at her gusty sigh. “We survived, Lily, we did it”  
“Day one completed.” Lily nodded and to the Fat Lady, she said. “New beginnings.”  
“Indeed it is.” She agreed before she swung herself open, allowing Lily and James to step into the Gryffindor Common Rooms.  
“I can’t believe that this is still here.” James flicked at the red and gold tassel that hung just above the portrait hole and she shot him a poisonous glare which was wasted on him, because James was too busy attempting to braid the tassle.  
“Because somebody stuck it with an Unremovable Charm two years ago.”  
“Who?” He asked so innocently that she momentarily believed him before she remembered catching him red-handed in the act. He had looked at her then with the exact same expression.  
“You know exactly who I’m talking about.”  
“You’re right. I’ll have a very stern talking with Sirius tonight about defacing school property.” James tugged at the knitted Snitch that hung off it once before he finally dropped his hand away from it.  
“He’s your scapegoat for everything.” She grumbled, her fingers running over the smooth, polished wood of the railing as they began the ascent to the dormitories. Exhaustion was seeping into her bones now, making each step heavier than the last. Sleep. She just wanted to sleep.  
“Peter’s too short to have reached that, and Remus too sensible.”  
“You should be the too sensible one now.”  
“Who says I’m not?” Lily snorted at that, but James just hummed to himself, coming to a stop at the landing. “Ready for tomorrow?”  
"Not at all. NEWT year is meant to be terrible, right?"  
“I’m surprised. I thought you would have read your textbooks back to front over the summer.”  
“Ha, ha, very funny, but you’re wrong. I didn’t open a single book at all.” She was on the first step that led to the female dormitory now, while James stood at the landing, leaning against the wall as he watched her slowly, carefully, climb up.  
“That must’ve been a first.”  
“Maybe.” Lily admitted, but she didn’t want to explain to him that she had been too busy, too distracted, with her home life to even focus on Hogwarts. Unlike the other summer holidays, where she desperately longed for and missed the school, Hogwarts lingered only in her periphery, barely noticeable, until she had received the letter, weighed down with the badge. She touched it once, reassuring herself once more, and didn’t notice how James’ eyes tracked the movement. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I suppose.”  
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He ducked his head so that he could see her more properly and offered her a smile. “Good job today, Lily. Thank you.”  
“You too.” Another step up.  
“I know, but we're the dream team, remember?” He teased, and Lily noticed that his teeth were very white in the shadows. “Good night Lily.”  
“Good night, James.”


End file.
